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The picture shown above is from a race that I did in
Austria in 1998 (at least I think it was that year). The run was a two loop, 5k
course which involved a grassy, ski slope hill that was SO steep, most of the
pros hiked up it. Heart rates were off the charts even at a fast walk up that
monster. Thanks to my ex-husband as well
as my former coach, who got me hooked on cross country skiing, I used an arm
pumping technique similar to skiing that got me up the hill at a fast hiking
rate. All was going well this day until my soleus seized up in what turned out
to be a pretty bad strain. I felt it coming on during the 2nd loop
and it halted me in my tracks while hoofing up that hill. I had to pull
out.
What most people don’t know about me is that I actually had
to walk away from the sport of triathlon from both a mental and physical
perspective, for several years. I sold or donated most of my equipment to those
just getting started. I wanted nothing to do with the sport and for a time and
lived a completely different life away from that identity of a competitive
athlete. What people also don’t know about me is how devastated I was when my
races went horribly. I was brought to my knees upset because I felt that I had invested
so much of my time, other people’s time, and money (I looked at it as a career)
into being one of the best triathletes in the country and in the world. I have only recently been able to reflect on
my racing career. I had countless setbacks from either injury or crappy races
that would throw me for a mental loop, forcing me to come up with reasons as to
why I should keep going in the sport.
You see the scar on my left shoulder in this picture? That scar is from
a crash at a world championship event in New Zealand the previous year. It took
me out – literally. Another devastating day, miles and miles away from home.
Another setback which made for a long flight back to New England. There were a
lot of tears to say the least.
Despite all the setbacks (the year+ of insomnia, the
injuries, the races where I doubted myself and struggled, or the few where I was
forced to pull out), I always got back up. I GOT BACK UP. I’m not sure how, but I did and kept on fighting.
I'm so glad that I did, because I also had many great race experiences! More
importantly, I became a strong and resilient PERSON, not just as an athlete. We’re talking super resilient here. Look, there is always another chance. You can
either grab the hand of chance and pull yourself back up, or you can bury your
head in a big dirt hole and stay stuck there forever. The choice is a no
brainer in my book.
You know why I really like the picture of me in this blog? I
like it because I was working so hard to get up that hill. Unfortunately, the race did not go my way but
hey, I got up the hill once I got over my disappointment. That was a steeper
and much harder hill for me. I also have
bad scar on my shoulder. That scar represents the fact that I got up and
continued my racing career after being thrown from my tracks in a world
championship event.
All of us are bound to have experiences that devastate us
and make us feel like we are not good enough or capable of doing
something. Life is full of those kinds
of curve balls! We can flub up a job interview,
not get into the college we had hoped for, screw up on test, have our
hearts broken, get into a bad relationship, say something you regret, not say
something and wished that you had. The list goes on. You always have the chance to try again or to
make things better for yourself. You
must get up and try again. How lucky we are to have those chances. I see them as part of the path to "getting things right" or leading us to amazing opportunities. I am blessed for all the struggles I've faced ..... and for taking second chances.
